The feeling is subliminal Pervasive in the minimal Worming in Squirming in to the spaces we can’t see it all A broken record sings its song But it’s played its tune for far too long Crying wolf Crying wolf The mangled tune plays on and on Conscripted to the ranks of this invisible war Platitudes and thanks can’t wipe the blood from off the floor Control is an illusion a comfort blanket in the grip The cracks spread far and wide as the facade begins to slip Surviving or alive again the choice is ours every day The only certainty of risk is that it never goes away There’s magic in the mystery of sunlight warming skin Rain’s caress of fingertips Smiles blooming from within Curiosity was the greatest gift bestowed upon the cat Nine lives filled with living What if we tried it like that?
I’ve realised lately how much of a role fear has been playing in my life. Not the terror that comes from a heart stopping moment, more of a tune that’s faded into the background and my ears pick up on from time to time.
As a recovering worrier, I think it’s always been present in the background of my life in one form or another. I’m learning (slowly and with frequent reminders) that rather than something to rid myself of, fear is an omnipresent aspect of the human condition. The destination I’ve been working towards where I’m no longer scared doesn’t exist, rather fear is something I’m going to have to make peace with, as oxymoronic as that sounds. As the adage goes, ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’.
In some instances, fear can be a good indicator of a route that might be fulfilling to take. Any change in life comes with a fear of the unknown, but sometimes this kind of fear is tinged with excitement, and a failure to follow a path that excites us can lead to feelings of loss, bitterness or resentment.
If I came face to face with a lion in my path, even if my fear is tinged with a little excitement, I’d still probably climb the nearest tree; survival is a key point to consider in many situations. But would I avoid a trip to an exotic destination? Would I say no to climbing a high mountain? No to sharing my poetry in a group? All of these things bring some level of worry and anxiety, yet the sense of light and fulfilment they bring is so much greater.
But maybe find another cave if there’s a lion in it.
I seem to have melded a blog post and a poem this week, but it felt right. If this post connected with you why not take a moment to explore the blog? You can also follow me on Instagram. I’ve given up on Twitter, it just doesn’t allow enough words for me.