Dr Gladys McGarey is a 102 year old medical doctor and pioneer of holistic medicine. I listened to her chatting with Elizabeth Day on the How to Fail podcast while I was walking the hell hound (our new affectionate term for the dog, inspired by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s Good Omens) and there was a brain-firing, dawn-breaking, smile-inducing lightbulb moment which I thought I’d share with you here, because who doesn’t love a good lightbulb moment?
Ping!
Dr McGarey told a familiar tale of how her voice wasn’t heard as a child. She had dyslexia, but her teachers thought she was stupid and she became the class clown to compensate. She spent time growing up in India, where she was expected to sing certain religious songs and generally behave in a certain way, (as most children are), and she spoke of the small hurts we all live through that we perhaps can’t even remember but that impact our behaviour as an adult.
Dr McGarey had a dream when she was ninety-three, involving her childhood self singing songs in a tree, while Jesus looked on smiling. She was smiling and singing as she woke from the dream, and straight away she knew what it meant: she needed to claim her voice. As the author of numerous books, a pioneer in the field of holistic medicine, and a woman who has done so much good in the world, you would think that Dr McGarey had found her voice many years before, but she admitted that she would often deflect praise for her words. If someone commented favourably on her book, she would become self-deprecating and say how her husband had helped her, or some other excuse. When she woke from the dream, she knew that in diminishing her words she was denying her own voice, and that it was time for her to claim her voice.
This story struck my heart for two reasons: the first is that we all carry such hurts with us, and I could feel the truth of her words in how I do (or don’t) accept kindness and encouragement about my own writing. On the surface I say the right things, but it’s like there’s a fine layer of impenetrable glass between the compliment and me, and it just won’t quite sink in. Ever get that feeling?
The second is that I’m at the part in my coaching course where we’re learning about old stories that keep us stuck in patterns of behaviour that are doing more harm than good, and Dr McGarey’s experience shines a light on how easy it is to perpetuate these hurts throughout a lifetime. I think that’s one of the things that attracted me to writing, and more recently to this coaching course: the desire to understand myself better, and through that understanding put something out into the world that will help others understand themselves a little better too. And until I wrote that last sentence, I didn’t know that this was true (you better duck, there’s lightbulbs flying all over the place!)
Speaking of ducks, did you catch my Sunday rhyme time last week? I’m back with a poem about a ladybird this weekend. Until then, let me know what lightbulbs have been going off for you this week.
If you want to hear more nuggets of wisdom from Dr McGarey, you can check out her new book The Well-Lived Life. I’ve just downloaded it on Audible because it seems to me the good doctor has a long life’s worth of wisdom to share. Don’t be scared, no affiliate links here, I just like to let you know what I’m reading (or listening to in this case).
Rae Cod’s Writing 
It can be easy to overlook how stuck you are. I know that I’ve been feeling that way this winter, and wondering how I shall unstick myself. Interesting topic.
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Thanks Ally. I have a feeling that Spring may unstick you…winter can be a sticky time but wait till those buds start blooming & the world wakes up a little more, I have faith that inspiration shall come!
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I was just reading this morning that Carl Jung discovered his true self and his purpose in life through the writing of his Red Book. Writing is a powerful tool for understanding ourselves. I think it was Joan Didion who said she didn’t know what she thought until she started writing.
You wrote something once that clarified things so magically for me I’ve just spent half the morning looking for it in my journals, where I’d recorded it:
“I know I’m the one ascribing the meaning, and yet the meaning doesn’t matter any less. It’s the portal through which I’m able to connect with that deeper part of me, the part that is aware of its oneness with the Universe, the part that knows intuitively – and in ways which I can’t quite find the words to describe – far more about the world than my egoic brain is capable of comprehending.”
That was actually pretty mind-expanding for me!
Also, I do relate to that fine, impenetrable layer of glass… I have learned to accept compliments with a simple thank you. If they are in writing, I’ll copy them into my journal where I can savour them and revisit them. I think I will try to really be more present with them when they land, instead of hurrying past them, and see how that feels.
I had a bit of a lightbulb moment (just a fairy light 🧚💡) this morning as I was thinking about a Richard Rohr quote: If, “We don’t think our way into new ways of living, we live our way into new ways of thinking,” what life experiences brought you to these new ways of thinking? I guess it’s more of a curiosity, a wondering and a question to ask a friend.
Thanks for your always thought-provoking thoughts!
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Wowzers Melanie, you just sparked more lightbulbs with your thoughtful comments! 💡 I love these conversations…
I really like that Joan Didion quote, I’ve definitely heard that before and it’s true.
I can’t quite believe I wrote that paragraph you quoted and yet in an amazing piece of synchronicity I was thinking about it today, not in those exact words, but a group of ladybirds found their way into my bedroom this afternoon, (they hold significance for me which I’ll write about more on Sunday), but I was thinking about the blog I wrote where I recognised I ascribe the meaning, but that this doesn’t matter, or make it any less meaningful (or magical). Wow 🤩
It also hit home what you said about not rushing past the compliments and I will be taking your idea of putting them in my journal so I can get used to letting them sink in, thank you ☺️
I love that last quote too, it’s one I’ll be mulling over, hopefully on my way to some new experiences.
Catch up with you soon lovely Melanie.
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Ladybugs are significant to me tooo!!! Can’t wait til Sunday! A GROUP of ladybugs?!? Wow, sounds mystical!
I too love these convos, dear lovely Rae. Catch ya on Sunday!🐞🎉🐞🎉🐞🎉🐞🎉🐞🎉
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That’s so interesting and sounds like a wonderful audiobook. And a good lesson to try not to wait until we’re 93 to be able to accept praise! I’m looking forward to your rhyme!
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A good lesson indeed! Thanks Michelle ☺️
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Wonderful post, and a great reference story.
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Thanks Paul ☺️ hope all is good with you.
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