I’m not sure why so many of us feel the need to justify doing the things we really enjoy.  We cram our hobbies, our family time, our self-care around our should’s and have to’s.  Every break we give ourselves is hard won by lots of hard work before (and after), and no one can doubt that we earned it. 

Why do we have to earn our fun?

I think it’s a lay over from religion which has transposed onto capitalism: if you’re not working hard in service (to God, to your employer, your children, your community) and spending a good portion of your time on hard work, then you must be a lazy layabout or a hedonistic narcissist. 

Without meaning to, we find ourselves admiring those who work the most and judging those seem to be having a ball in life (unless of course they’re retired and have done their due diligence in terms of endless years of nose to the grindstone, then they’re allowed their twilight years off). 

But haven’t we got it all wrong?  Shouldn’t we be admiring those who have created a life where making time to do the things they enjoy is their priority?  The one’s who have figured out how to survive on this planet in a way that supports the way they want to live?  I’m not talking about the billionaires and celebrities here, I mean ordinary people, like the people that work a three-day week so they can have time for that jewellery making course, the person that makes sure they leave the office at 3pm every day so they can collect their kids from school, or the programmer that subverts the company culture of spending lunchtime at their desk to go for a walk in the fresh air.  It’s about deciding what makes us happiest and then doing as much of it as we can, without worrying about what other people will think.  Sometimes what makes us happiest will be look very much like hard work (getting that business venture off the ground or studying for that final exam), but we can still remember to find enjoyment, it’s always there.

Oh, and if you’re worried about productivity, it’s ok; the happier we are the more productive we are, so if our need for joy is being met we’ll excel at the obligatory parts of our life too, win-win!

Giving ourselves permission

The other day I walked my dog for a whopping two hours and ate lunch by the river.  It was a glorious sunny day and my poor pooch had been making do with fifteen-minute walks sandwiched between all the things I ‘had’ to do. We’d both had enough, and I was in the mood for a change of scenery, so I sorted out what needed doing right now, added the rest to the to-do list and we were off.

It’s cliché, but the wind did carry the scent of summer in the air.  It was a gentle breeze that wafted the smells of cut grass and floral aromas to my happy nose, so much so that as I passed a gentleman pruning his rose bushes, I couldn’t help but compliment him on their beauty;

“They took a lot of hard work,” was his reply.  I’m sure they did, as good things often do; yet I wouldn’t have thought any less of him if he’d bought the bushes readily established and popped them in his lawn, their beauty was still the same, as was my admiration for anyone who enjoys spending their time gardening (I wish I liked it, but the joy of gardening is one that’s yet to find its way to my heart).  His rose bushes were clearly a labour of love, and I think he found joy in tending them as much as I enjoyed looking at them; he was sharing the joy! 

I continued my walk by the river, paying attention to the green of the trees, the tickle of the breeze and the dragonflies hovering over the lily pads. I felt so alive! It was good to be outside on this lovely afternoon, seeing new things and chatting to different people.

Why don’t I do this every week? Every day?!

Why?  Because a responsible, mature adult does the things they are supposed to be doing, like paid work, housework, voluntary work, community work, pretend work (you know what I’m talking about).  We’re too busy to spend time on the things that make us feel alive, we can’t allow ourselves to enjoy life until we’ve done the work!  Unfortunately, the work never ends, and neither does the list of missed opportunities to do the things we love.

But there’s hope

As my dog and I ate our lunch by the river,  I noticed more than a few cars come and go, some drivers stopping for enough time to eat their lunch with a view of the ducks and swans,  others stopping for only a few minutes to take in the beautiful scenery before carrying on with their day, and it made me think about the necessity of these small moments of joy; the time to ‘stop and smell the roses,’ as it were.

I’m sure many of these people were on their way to a job, an errand, an obligation and yet they found the time to stop and take in the view, and that’s what it’s all about.  We all need these small moments. Yet it’s easy to let days or sometimes weeks slip by without noticing the beauty of the world.  What about years?  Can you imagine years spent moving from one moment to the next without any pause to appreciate the wonders that surround us at any given moment? 

I think it’s all too easy.  I’m not sure if it’s part of the human condition, or if it’s the way we’re socialised by school and employment to value the ‘work’ over everything else, but it seems to me these small moments aren’t valued nearly as much as they should be.  How many of the people that pulled up by the riverside to eat their lunch or watch the ripples on the water went home and told their family or friends about it?  Here’s a very contrived example for your reading enjoyment:

Husband: “how was you day?”

Wife: “Yeah really busy, barely had a minute but I managed to eat some lunch in the car between appointments.

But what if the conversation went like this?

Husband: “How was your day?”

Wife: “Good thanks, I stopped by the river for lunch between appointments and watched the ducks and swans on the water, the sun felt so good on my face and there were these adorable lambs chasing each other in the field.”

Okay, contrived, but you get the meaning.  If we focus on the things that bring us joy, however small, it just makes life (and us) feel better.  Work or obligations might fill a lot of our time, but life and all its beauty is all around us, all of the time.  All we have to do is notice, and give ourselves permission to stop and smell the roses.

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This week I am mostly finding my joy in the are moments my children play together instead of acting like they’re warming up for fight night, the pied wagtail that is frequenting my garden (I wrote a poem about her which you can read tomorrow), and edible flowers which make my salads look so enticing. Where are you finding your joy?